Conflict, Connection, and Hallmarks of Healthy Relationships with Elizabeth Earnshaw | #59

Click here to access a written transcript of this episode.

If you're anything like me, there are probably some areas of communication in your relationships that you'd like to improve on. Luckily, this episode features Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw, better known as @lizlistens on Instagram, and she's ready to help us out. While committed relationships aren't always easy to navigate, Liz offers some simple strategies we can employ to keep our relationships as healthy as possible.

We discussed:

• The work Liz does and why she got into it.
• Three of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship—respect, reliability, and responsiveness.
• The barriers that hold people back from regularly embodying all three of those hallmarks.
• How “The Four Horsemen”—criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt—show up in conflict.
• How to move from criticism to complaint and from defensive to responsive.
• The importance of repairing when you mess up.
• Why the process of conflict often matters more than the details of the conflict.
• Bids for connection and what it looks like to turn toward, against or away from them.
• The dismissiveness that can result from playing devil's advocate.
• Boundaries in romantic relationships and how they differ from ultimatums.
• How transparency reveals the reality of the relationship.
• One final tip for having better relationships through honoring the life of the other person.
• How Liz defines health and wellness for herself at this moment in her life.

Mentioned in This Episode

• Attachment styles
• John Gottman's The Four Horsemen
• Bids for connection

Featured in This Episode

Elizabeth Earnshaw (she/her) is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Gottman Therapist. She owns A Better Life Therapy in Philadelphia, PA where she and her colleagues have supported hundreds of couples. Elizabeth also writes and speaks on relationships. She shares many of her insights on her Instagram account and within her membership program, Love Lessons 365.

Did you benefit from this episode? You can show your appreciation by supporting Elizabeth's work. Sign up for her membership program, Love Lessons 365, here.